Friday, August 21, 2009

rolling the dice

A second person has turned up pregnant this week after "giving up". I am thrilled for her. She is an oldtimer like myself. It is very encouraging, but at the same time, makes me realize how random this all is. It is very possible to become pregnant in your 40's....but bringing it about seems to be very unpredictable. After watching so many go through cycles with a fertility clinic (IVF, IUI, etc) and failing and then seeing some of those very same women become pregnant on break cycles.....I don't know......I just feel that I don't know which way to turn. I feel that doing cycles with fertility drugs ups the odds......but perhaps I'm just kidding myself? I do know that more and more women I know are catching that golden I gotta keep the faith. It really does seem to happen when you least expect it.......but it is so hard not to have those expectations.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

leaving no reasonable stone unturned

I have to credit Kiwichick from my favorite message board with that phrase. As I was taking my multitude of supplements after lunch today, I realized just how far I've gone to leave no reasonable stone unturned. I think I have taken every supplement and drug thought to possibly help with fertility. This month was my first try taking dexamethasone. It ended up not being a great cycle and I didn't do either IUI or IVF. So here I sit in the luteal phase weaning off the dex and wondering whether or not to start it up again for my next cycle. In the meantime, I'm seeing more and more women turn up pregnant on "break" cycles after finally giving up. So I try to give up, but then start hoping. Then people tell me not the think negative because that will only bring about the negative result. So then I ponder doing a vision board, starting a blog, etc. So what will the magic bullet be? Or will I finally give up...... For now I've just got to remember to breath deep and take it one day, one cycle at a time. At least I started this blog.....maybe the vision board will be next.

Monday, August 17, 2009

the strong bonds of infertility

I continue to be amazed by the tremendous support I have received from women on this journey with me. Message boards seem to serve as a very real emotional safety net for so many of us going through multiple cycles. They also serve as a resource to learn of potential protocols. I'm amazed at how much I have learned about the female reproductive system and how it responds to the various treatments. The unconditional support of the friends I have made around the globe while trudging this road has forever changed me. The world feels like a smaller, safer place.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The final frontier

As I have traveled through the world of infertility treatments these last couple of years I couldn't help but feel like I had entered an alternate reality. A world of different medications, mostly injectible, with mind boggling pricetags to help coax out precious follicles. It really has felt like a final frontier.....of somehow being shot into space and shooting for the moon. Trying to find the elusive perfect combination of sperm meeting egg that will bring a healthy baby into the world.