I love my ttc buddies.......

I haven't posted in ages, but just had to share how I continue to be amazed at the continual support I have received from the women I have met on this journey. I have made so many good friends over the last few years and am so happy that those who have their babies in their arms are still an active support to those of us in the trenches. I have also found such hope and peace in witnessing how many ways there are to build a family and that those options are available. While money and patience are often key factors......I do believe that where there is a will there is a way! Congrats to my most recent buddy to become a Mama, @highfsh!!

In the home stretch....

I have not felt inspired to post in a while, but wanted to check in. I'm currently in what will be one of my final cycles. I'm thinking one or two more is all I have in me financially, physically and emotionally. It is going to be so hard to let go of this journey. I am in the process of figuring out my next steps toward family building. In the meantime I am praying that I am one of those "just when I really gave up it happened" miracles.

Trying to gear up again.....

Last cycle was cancelled since I once again was ovulating on my bad tube side.....and I didn't have a good enough response to justify IVF......have taken a mental break the last couple of weeks no temping, etc. AF should arrrive later this week. I'll post when I get my antral count results. Praying for a good shot this cycle!

can this one please be THE one!!

It has been almost a year since my ectopic pregnancy.......I did take a few months off to recover after that, but have still gotten in quite a few cycles.........I really thought I could catch another golden egg by now......praying one is still in there. Here is what I just posted on my message board that I consider home:

Well, I'm now a believer in the booster shots as a kind of primer for me. After last months antral count of 2 after E2 priming, I'm happy to see I've got 6 this month with the booster shot priming. My period was 5 days late so I was worried about a cyst, but all seems well. On the left I have 2 <5 and on the right I have 2<10 and 2<5. RE wants me to try Femara for 7 days instead of the usual 5. He said he has had good luck with that lately. First time he has brought it up as an option. I'll be adding stims a day earlier than usual, on CD 4. Let's see how it goes, please send positive and calming thoughts my way.

My first look u/s is next Saturday 9/12, until then I'll be trying not to obsess.

IVF HOUSE

A discussion came up on one of my message boards about the reality shows of fertiles such as the Duggars. We then thought why not us?!! There should be a reality show kinda like The Real World where they put a bunch of us together in a house while we are going through an IVF or IUI cycle. Emotions would be all over the place with the various hormones being used and based on how each of our cycles were going.....but there would be touching moments as we supported one another. Laughter and tears, no doubt. I think it should be a beach location...perhaps Malibu, then we could use the great RE's in the LA area......and, of course, the network would cover the cost of our cycles.......would you tune in or be on this show?

rolling the dice

A second person has turned up pregnant this week after "giving up". I am thrilled for her. She is an oldtimer like myself. It is very encouraging, but at the same time, makes me realize how random this all is. It is very possible to become pregnant in your 40's....but bringing it about seems to be very unpredictable. After watching so many go through cycles with a fertility clinic (IVF, IUI, etc) and failing and then seeing some of those very same women become pregnant on break cycles.....I don't know......I just feel that I don't know which way to turn. I feel that doing cycles with fertility drugs ups the odds......but perhaps I'm just kidding myself? I do know that more and more women I know are catching that golden egg......so I gotta keep the faith. It really does seem to happen when you least expect it.......but it is so hard not to have those expectations.

leaving no reasonable stone unturned

I have to credit Kiwichick from my favorite message board with that phrase. As I was taking my multitude of supplements after lunch today, I realized just how far I've gone to leave no reasonable stone unturned. I think I have taken every supplement and drug thought to possibly help with fertility. This month was my first try taking dexamethasone. It ended up not being a great cycle and I didn't do either IUI or IVF. So here I sit in the luteal phase weaning off the dex and wondering whether or not to start it up again for my next cycle. In the meantime, I'm seeing more and more women turn up pregnant on "break" cycles after finally giving up. So I try to give up, but then start hoping. Then people tell me not the think negative because that will only bring about the negative result. So then I ponder doing a vision board, starting a blog, etc. So what will the magic bullet be? Or will I finally give up...... For now I've just got to remember to breath deep and take it one day, one cycle at a time. At least I started this blog.....maybe the vision board will be next.